Drinking like it's 2003

Hi all,
I tried an experiment at the weekend. I was at someone's 21st birthday party, so I decided to party like I was 21. Here's a tip.

DON'T DO IT.

If you have already been through all that heavy drinking stuff, with the shots of different coloured liquor and wierd things that taste like mouthwash, and you haven't done it in quite some time, then don't try it. Don't even think to yourself that you can. YOU CAN'T.

I was drunk. Now I'm not talking the kind of drunk where you know how to spell your name on the third attempt. I mean absolutely smashed. The beer fairies got me home, you know who you are, and I love you too.

I was so smashed that I have memories of thinking I had more legs than a camel. If you have ever seen a Camel get around you'd know why this was a problem. Camels can't cope with four legs, let alone a spider embarrassing 14. People have said that I looked, shall we say, awkward getting out the back of a Micra. To them I say...

"YOU TRY IT WITH 14 LEGS, SEE HOW FAR YOU GET!! YOU'D GET TRAPPED IN THE BACK TOO!"

Why is it that alcohol affects your brain? I'd much rather a drink that was much more specific than all encompassing brain failure. How about a drink that when consumed gives you a blind spot for snacks. You have 5 shots of this stuff and all of a sudden all crisps, twiglets and sandwiches disappear.
Or a drink that makes you hear people talk like they were in the middle ages? That one would have its uses. Just drink 5 pints of the stuff before doing a Shakespeare essay. Sorted.

Now I'm not putting myself forward for testing, but trust me, there are plenty of 21 year olds out there who would be more than willing to try them, repeatedly, until they fail to remember how many limbs they have.

Thanks for reading,