My Blog: One year on

Hi All!

My blog is one year old!

So to celebrate and to mock in some fashion all those other blog type, video, tv efforts, I have decided to do some recaps, quotes and outtakes from the last 12 months.
Hope you enjoy them as much as I did writing them.


"...as the human body is 80% water, I can be anywhere between 4'3 and 6'2 depending on where the moon is."

"Now thats the body that I want! I want to look like that, and I'll do the dvd every day for a decade to get it if i have to, if i have to cycle to the moon and back I'll do it" Now I've been doing this
dvd now for fucking months, and i still havent got Davinas tits.

"I wear glasses and I've got a stupid goatee\beard thing going on. I am the geeks geek."

"Luckily we have something in our arsenal that Mexicans do not....Yakult"

"Muslim women don't have to wear that black royal mail letterbox outfit, it's just that they are also highly trained Ninjas"

"I am to biscuit barrels, as Harold Shipman was to old peoples homes."

"T = (Q + A) / B"

"Half the people are average meat, and have no intelligence."

"A guy was released in Hampshire after being wrongfully imprisoned for 27 years...the first show he saw on telly when he came out? You've been Framed"

"Quick tip for you, open your front door, go outside, turn around. See that? See that building? That's your fucking house. It's been there all along."

To them I say..."YOU TRY IT WITH 14 LEGS, SEE HOW FAR YOU GET!! YOU'D GET TRAPPED IN THE BACK TOO!"

"He-man....What a complete and utter Gaylord"

"There was a guy who ended up sleeping on the streets and he spent most of his life searching for his real father. He was a poor bastard"

"ok Trev, this is a TV job, so have you got any experience appearing on camera"
"you are kidding right? This is London you prick, I've been on camera 300 times just getting here"

"god doesn't exist sweetheart."
"yes he does, he's slightly shorter than you and wears a dress."

"If you drink tizer, your urine will look like this..."

"A satelite Navigation system...for trains!" - Actually additional to this...what if the train-driver goes on holiday, on a canal boat?

"I know! We'll cut them into squares! Shit it's been done"

"I spend the whole of november training squirrels for this very reason"

"Why not have a Large Monkey Collider (or LMC)? It's not the colliding bit I'm interested in really, but I am interested in the noise they'll make as they go round."

"...so I thought if I'm gonna break my resolution, I'm gonna do this properly I've held it for 2 years. There is no way I'll break it over something trivial, but now is the time. Look at her eyes Trev, you know that this is the time
so I looked deep into her eyes, and saw the love in them, and I took a deep breath and said "I resolve, from now until the end of time, to the end of my life, to the end of the universe, to stop drying my socks in the microwave"

"All things fall over if you hit them hard enough. Apart from Weebles."


Thank you to you all for reading over the past year, or if you've just started reading them, cool, but where the fuck have you been?

Trev