Hi All,
Dating is a scam. Honestly.
I have been incredibly lucky. I have a partner, 1.5 wonderful kids and 0.5 fucking noisy little bastards.
It didn't really take that long for me to find my ideal partner, who made me laugh and all that other emotionally fulfilling shit. But this isn't why I'm lucky.
It didn't take me that long to conceive, 3 times, unlike these other unlucky people out there. But that's not why I'm lucky.
I didn't have to go to Africa and import one, or buy one off ebay. Or smuggle one in from Sumatra. But that's not why I'm lucky.
I've got a house, that wasn't that hard to get, and it's just big enough for me and my family. But this isn't why I'm lucky.
I've got 2 cars, full of petrol, that tend not to try and kill me every time I start them.
I have everything I feel I need to live my life to the full, and nothing is a struggle. But no, that's not it either.
The reason why I am lucky to have all of the above?
My name is Trevor, and I work in I.T. That is why.
Can you imagine what my success rate on that lovematch.com or whatever the sodding site is called? I couldn't even supply a good picture.
I wear glasses and I've got a stupid goatee\beard thing going on. I am the geeks geek. If it's two things that women hate it's train spotters and IT geeks.
Imagine if I had a blind date though. Introductions.
"Hi I'm Kate"
"Hi I'm Trevor"
"What do you do?"
"I work in IT"
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
I would rather say that I was in charge of shaving the ball sacks of Gay actors. But even that sounds exciting in comparison doesn't it?
Maybe this is the wrong way of going about it? Can I make IT sound exciting? No.
"I've got this virtual host in a datacentre and one of the disks in the RAID 5 array went nuts, I nearly lost 1.5 TB of data and 9 virtual machines"
"....yawn, sorry...what happened?"
"well luckily for me, haha, I managed to order another Hard Drive and everything was ok."
See?
So I've explained this dating thing to my partner, she said I had better stay with her then. So I will.
Thanks for reading
17 comments:
I usually extend the truth so far far I'm worried you'll hear it twang and break during a conversation:
"what do i do for a living? well I handle technical security for some multinational compan*SNAP*
"What the hell was that?"
"I'm a geek :( I can even insert smileys into a real convo, lol"
"...hell I even say 'lol' as a proper verb"
Sorry, but saying "lol" is just for n00bs!! You nerds!
And what does the Grand Geek Izzy recommend for l33t nerds?
Well, as long as the girl you are speaking to also has nerdlike tendancies (and yes, we are a rare, sensitive and also very, very precious commodity) you are usually ok mentioning IT. Unless she gets your IPs and hacks you. Then you're a bit screwed.
So you're saying don't give your IP's out on a first date then?
Now that really would be geeky.
"Hi I'm Trevor and I work in IT, 87.85.119.25-28"
Topic |-------------*----|Off Topic
Izzy^
Not quite the answer i was looking for, but the 'sensitive and precious' comment was worth seeing.
We all know that girls on the internet are batshit mental, and just as likely to discuss growing bonzai's in their bras as the weather tomorrow, you're stuck in the same rut as the male geeks when it comes to finding a 'normal' boyfriend. The question though was - what does the ubernerd say instead of lol?
(Apologies to LB, he's a legend, but he's not 'normal' by any standard)
Ever heard of ROFL?
Yes, although not so much when Yao is around. Errr....lol?
It's a type of helicopter, yes?
You're right Trev, nobody has ever rolled on the floor laughing in my presence. Although i've never seen that happen anywhere - it's a myth like rule 69.
Saying and doing are two different things!
Like virginity and Emmenthal
You mean Tuna and Cream, surely?
Machiavelli said, 'It is better to be feared than to be loved, if you cannot be both.' Something to bear in mind when you embark on internet dating
/Quote
So you are saying, if the date is going that badly, scare the living shit out of her?
I'm quoting, Machiavelli is saying. He was a well respected sociopath, and like you he wrote a lot too.
Come to think of it he also had a beard and was quite tall... Trev, are you hiding something from us?
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