I'm back, and what the hell is going on?

Hi All,

I haven't written in a while, I've been away, sorry.
But I had a good time, thanks for asking.

Bonfire/firework night tonight, and that got me thinking once again of all these whingers and whiners who read the Guardian. All those people who write in to OFCOM about abusive programs and about who said what to whom. First of all, there are about a billion other channels to watch or listen to. If you don't like it just change the channel (and the record). Also stop screaming "Won't somebody think of the children?". Our kids are more rounded and psychologically sound with death and serious injury, sarcasm and insinuation than you think.

Every year we take the piss out of some guy a couple hundred years ago who tried to blow up the houses of parliament by doing something he obviously couldn't do. We set off hundreds of tons of gun powder. If he's up there and has finally pulled himself together, he must be screaming at us for taking the mickey out of him. But that's just little stuff compared to what else I have noticed really.

What we do every year for our children is build an effigy of a human, and tell our kids that his name is Guy Fawkes. Then we go in a long procession to a field, with torches and fireworks, where there is the biggest pile of wood you can imagine, and sit this thing on top. All the kids stare at it in wonder of what is going to happen next. We set fire to it. We are performing ritual burning in front of our kids, and they smile and laugh and have bets with each other about which bit of him is going to fall off first.

The kids are fine! Will someone please think of the adults?

Thanks for reading!