LHC, and why scientists are no fun.

Hi All,

Scientists are no fun. I put this down to the many, many years of intensive study and homework that they have to do. They are so institutionalised that they just can't see how much fun they can have with the tools they've got.

Take the LHC, or the Large Hadron Collider. What a great idea. But how boring. I am a geek so I am interested to see what kind of things they discover, but what I want to know is what they do with it after 5pm. I would want to collide other things.

All matter is made up of 3 things, Protons, Neutrons and Electrons, so surely it must be possible to fire other stuff around this giant doughnut they have built. Why not have a Large Monkey Collider (or LMC)? It's not the colliding bit I'm interested in really, but I am interested in the noise they'll make as they go round. The sound of an eeeek going by at near light speed would have me in stitches.

OK, maybe that is a tad cruel. What about other things? Like eggs? Or as we all know, Mentos and Diet Coke cause a good reaction, why not fire Mentos one way and Diet Coke the other? The other advantage of this is that the people who have been bitching and whining on about how it will "destroy the world" can't possibly claim that the resultant fizz from such a reaction could do such a thing.

I was talking to a friend of mine last night, and we came up with a plan. When we die, instead of being cremated or whatever, we should be fired around the LHC with photons going the other way, then when a mini black hole is created we'd be sucked into it. How cool would that be? You could also claim to be the fastest corpse on the planet. You wouldn't get a Guinness world record for it though, because you'd have to do the same speed in the other direction.

What about lasers? Some really boring scientists in the USA are using lasers to transmit energy to a device that could possibly work as a "space elevator". Boring. If I had a laser that strong, I'd have to graffiti something. Maybe even write P.T.O on the Moon.

So yeah, scientists need to get out more, have some fun, and stop being so damn practical.

Thanks for reading!