Hi all,
I've just come across this golden nugget I'd like to share with you all. Now I hope your all sitting uncomfortably, because its going to get worse...the cost for the 8 minute segments for the handover ceremonies for the Olympic games came in at.....now I'll give you some time to have a guess..........
............
No, you're wrong...unless you've googled it already, but it comes in at 2.5 million quid. 2.5million quid for some dancers and Beckham to kick a football. But that leaves us with a problem. You see in the current economic slowdown, and predicted worldwide recession, that is quite a lot of money. You know its quite a lot of money because if you walked into your bank and said "I'd like to deposit 2.5 million quid, your bank manager would make love to you, and probably won't let you go until you know how to say "Yes, that' s lovely thank you, now let go of my leg" in every language your "local bank" understands.
So, they can't possibly cut down on spending on the opening and closing ceremonies, not after China, so they are going to have to cut down on spending in events. 100m sprints will be shortened to 80m, the high jump will only be done by hedge fund managers, and the hammer throw will be won by the Polish, who will, of course, still be building the Olympic Village.
But all is not lost! I have a solution. Instead of spending 100 billion quid, or whatever it is, on the Olympic village, put the money into local schools and they can host the events. Obviously the events will have to be changed slightly. The marathon will be 10 laps of the school field, it will have to be a 50m sprint, the 400m will be a 3 legged race and the relay will involve an egg and spoon. This would be no bad thing. It is really boring watching some already well known athletes doing predictably well in their chosen event but, like strictly come dancing, the viewing figures would be massive to see Dwain Chambers or someone trying to beat a record while trying to balance chicken ovulate on an eating implement.
Boris, if you are reading, get rid of bendy buses, then get on with speaking to the schools.
Thanks for reading
1 comment:
I think your concept is sound, but for one tiny fly in the proverbial ointment; Knife Culture.
This may well see mass scraps on the starting blocks as kids from SE12 and E20 fight over the eggs and spoons themselves, or the sacks to hold their shoplifted crap in.
The whole scenario would leave ahtletes running in the wrong direction, defending themselves with thier javelins or trying to stay at the bottom of the swimming pool longer than '20 a Day' Trisha who wants those cool goggles.
Chances are the armed police or paramedics will be first accross the lines and finalise the farce that the whole olympics will have become.
If this ends the mindnumbing tedium those events portray then i'm all for it. But I fear it will become a national pastime, a la Battle Royale...
Actually, that's not bad telly!
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