Drinking like it's 2003

Hi all,
I tried an experiment at the weekend. I was at someone's 21st birthday party, so I decided to party like I was 21. Here's a tip.

DON'T DO IT.

If you have already been through all that heavy drinking stuff, with the shots of different coloured liquor and wierd things that taste like mouthwash, and you haven't done it in quite some time, then don't try it. Don't even think to yourself that you can. YOU CAN'T.

I was drunk. Now I'm not talking the kind of drunk where you know how to spell your name on the third attempt. I mean absolutely smashed. The beer fairies got me home, you know who you are, and I love you too.

I was so smashed that I have memories of thinking I had more legs than a camel. If you have ever seen a Camel get around you'd know why this was a problem. Camels can't cope with four legs, let alone a spider embarrassing 14. People have said that I looked, shall we say, awkward getting out the back of a Micra. To them I say...

"YOU TRY IT WITH 14 LEGS, SEE HOW FAR YOU GET!! YOU'D GET TRAPPED IN THE BACK TOO!"

Why is it that alcohol affects your brain? I'd much rather a drink that was much more specific than all encompassing brain failure. How about a drink that when consumed gives you a blind spot for snacks. You have 5 shots of this stuff and all of a sudden all crisps, twiglets and sandwiches disappear.
Or a drink that makes you hear people talk like they were in the middle ages? That one would have its uses. Just drink 5 pints of the stuff before doing a Shakespeare essay. Sorted.

Now I'm not putting myself forward for testing, but trust me, there are plenty of 21 year olds out there who would be more than willing to try them, repeatedly, until they fail to remember how many limbs they have.

Thanks for reading,

New Years Resolutions

Hi all,

What is the point in new years resolutions?
Its just a good way of depressing yourself by February, and we've normally got bigger things to worry about. I worked it out a while ago though, I resolved never to make another new years resolution, and it was really cool for a couple years, then one year my missus and I are sat on the sofa and Big Ben did its 12 rings, and my missus looked into my eyes and said

"My new years resolution is to love you for the rest of my life, no matter what happens, I'll stay by you from now until the end, you make me complete"

I was stunned and overcome and she looked into my eyes searching for my reply, but I couldn't, because I resolved never to make another new years resolution.

So i thought if I'm gonna break my resolution I'm gonna do this properly I've held it for 2 years, there is no way I'll break it over something trivial, but now is the time. Look at her eyes Trev, you know that this is the time.

So I looked deep into her eyes, and saw the love in them, and I took a deep breath and said "I resolve, from now until the end of time, to the end of my life, to the end of the universe, to stop drying my socks in the microwave"

Thanks for reading