Flouridation, mass medication...for the masses

Hi all,

Look, I know its been a while, but it's not like I can write every week is it? I mean, I go to work, come home, drink beer, have a wank, go to bed, get up, go to work, realise it's Saturday, go home....etc...but to be honest all the news stories have been along the lines of "Dog bites man". There's nothing there I can write about, it happens all the time. "Man bites Dog" stories are cool, but unfortunately are a bit obvious to be remotely interesting to write about. What I look for are stories that can be quite interesting. So I found one.

In the Southampton area (in England this is) they are going to be introducing fluoride into our water supply so our kids can have impeccable teeth. Not a bad thing in essence, the UK has an international stereotype of bad teeth, but what the idiots in charge don't realise is that this is a bad thing.

On the back of every toothpaste tube is a warning about not swallowing the actual paste if we can help it. We are told that in sufficiently high doses it is fatal. We are told to only use a pea size amount so to avoid this. But, with their new scheme they are going to introduce a poison into our water supply. We have had the public meetings and things but we have been ignored.

Weirdly I am not saying we should not have something like this introduced to our diet. What I am going to suggest is a slight modification.

The kids who really need this tend not to drink water unless it is carbonated and mixed with a vegetable syrup and a rather potent acid. What we should be doing then is quite simple.

The kids who don't drink thing like bubbly acid, or have a controlled amount tend to be the most...cared for kids. They don't require the extra fluoride. The kids who do drink something that looks like it came from a bottle in Frankensteins castle do. So why can't we put fluoride in Pepsi, Cola, 7up and all the other horrific drinks out there.

Problem solved really. No-one is getting the "medicine" for no reason. The kids who need it are getting it, and they'll never notice due to the huge amount of saccharine in the drink, and the kids who don't, won't get it at all, and neither will I.

Thanks for reading,

In fact that's lame.

Why don't the government just Fuck off?
I'm fucking fed up about trying to make the mediocre interesting, and that's all we are being fed by the government.
They spend our money on shit, we didn't vote the bastard in charge in, and he's Scottish, he's got his own sodding country to run now, you don't see an Englishman in Scottish parliament do you?
Leave our lives alone. We have nothing to be proud of in this country any more.
Instead of spending stupid amounts of cash on toilet seats, CCTV and other bullshit, why can't we have something really nice to go and visit?
Not the millenium dome, that was crap. But a really nice building that echo's the thoughts of the nation. Why not fill that building with everything that it means to be British? Maybe even a tribute to the garden shed, where all the best things are invented. Fill it with IK Brunel, fill it with railways, fill it with the Royal Navy, the Army and even the RAF. Fill it with Concord the Harrier Jump Jet and Aston Martins. Fill it with tea and strawberries and cream. Fill it with the Union Jack and late night curries. Fill it with patriotism and the need to expand our horizons. Fill it with euphamisms and talking over the garden fence. Hell even fill it with Tim bloody Henman.

Make me proud to be a Brit. Don't make me feel like I have to admit it.

Thanks for reading,

Olympic games, where's the dough?

Hi all,

I've just come across this golden nugget I'd like to share with you all. Now I hope your all sitting uncomfortably, because its going to get worse...the cost for the 8 minute segments for the handover ceremonies for the Olympic games came in at.....now I'll give you some time to have a guess..........
............
No, you're wrong...unless you've googled it already, but it comes in at 2.5 million quid. 2.5million quid for some dancers and Beckham to kick a football. But that leaves us with a problem. You see in the current economic slowdown, and predicted worldwide recession, that is quite a lot of money. You know its quite a lot of money because if you walked into your bank and said "I'd like to deposit 2.5 million quid, your bank manager would make love to you, and probably won't let you go until you know how to say "Yes, that' s lovely thank you, now let go of my leg" in every language your "local bank" understands.

So, they can't possibly cut down on spending on the opening and closing ceremonies, not after China, so they are going to have to cut down on spending in events. 100m sprints will be shortened to 80m, the high jump will only be done by hedge fund managers, and the hammer throw will be won by the Polish, who will, of course, still be building the Olympic Village.

But all is not lost! I have a solution. Instead of spending 100 billion quid, or whatever it is, on the Olympic village, put the money into local schools and they can host the events. Obviously the events will have to be changed slightly. The marathon will be 10 laps of the school field, it will have to be a 50m sprint, the 400m will be a 3 legged race and the relay will involve an egg and spoon. This would be no bad thing. It is really boring watching some already well known athletes doing predictably well in their chosen event but, like strictly come dancing, the viewing figures would be massive to see Dwain Chambers or someone trying to beat a record while trying to balance chicken ovulate on an eating implement.

Boris, if you are reading, get rid of bendy buses, then get on with speaking to the schools.

Thanks for reading

So this is Christmas?

Hi All,

First up Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you all. Now on with the diatribe....

It must be Christmas! You can tell just by watching telly, or listening to the radio for all those repeat hits from 30 odd years ago, or walking round your home town, looking at the absolutely pointless, useless, glittering, power-eating, half dead, pigeon-shit infested, glittery, building appendages, cunningly called "decorations" so that the council can be proud of them.

But, above all this it's the adverts isn't it? I'm not talking about the toy ones, although they can Fuck Off for all I care. No. I'm talking about those sodding charity adverts. Bollocks to them. I do have a favourite one though. Adopt a Tiger. Yes, I want some of that action! I want to ring them and say:
"Yes! I'd love to adopt a Tiger...donation? Yeah, put me down for a tenner, now....when are you going to deliver it?"
and just wait for their response.

Or there's that other one....Sponsor a Dog. Why? What the fuck is a dog going to do that I would want to sponsor it? Skydive? Actually that I'd pay to see, especially if it has spectacularly long ears. But you see my point. Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean that I am more likely to put my hand in my pocket. I'll give when I want to, to the causes I want to support. I don't need a guilt trip advert about some Pandas who have been abused. We know these Pandas are out there. We know they need help, and when I have a few quid I'll give some money, but I'm certainly not going to if 5 seperate fucking charities continue to force-feed me guilt-trips in the middle of "Blackadders Christmas Carol".

So I'll give these charities a tip, free of charge. Stuff your ads up your arse until after Christmas when everyone is bloated with pies, and have had enough of presents. Then ask them for cash and presents that they don't want so you can sell them on Ebay or something.
Actually, here is a better plan. A new governmental fund. It is completely up to you whether you donate or not. When you donate it goes into a big box that is only used for charities. Then the government can jolly out the money to the most needy causes. That way we only have 1 charity for looking after kids, 1 for animals, 1 for homeless people and maybe one for the elderly. Any other countries problems can come last in my book. Charity begins at home. And that's how it should be.

Anyway, thanks for reading and have a very Merry Christmas!