Clubbing hasn't changed...or has it?

Hi All,

When you see something everyday, you often don't realise that things change.
Take my hamster for example. Actually don't, just leave him where he is, but I only realised how old and wrinkly and hairless he was getting when a friend of mine came round and asked me why I was keeping my bollocks in a cage and feeding them dried fruit.

Speaking of things that don't change, I decided to give clubbing another go. Now I should at this point give you a little bit of background. I fucking hate clubbing. The tunes are dull, repetitive and noisy and always have some woman shouting in them. I can't stand it. My idea of a good tune is something with down tuned electric guitars, drums and some blokes with enough hairspray, bleach and styling products to officially ban them from internal flights.

So, anyway, off I went into town to find where the beats were. I found a suitable venue got myself a drink and decided to go where the action was, down by the DJ. Man it was noisy. But it's not like Rock, or Heavy Metal where you get 4 minutes of intense ear shattering, bone vibrating noise and lyrics that make you wish you were smoking the joint of the man next to you. It's 4 hours of bass, and the kind of drum beat that sounds like a bloke with sleep apnea using a road drill.

I got to the front and I was trying to have a good time, I was jumping up and down and "pushing the ceiling" and all that crap, but the club atmosphere was still the same, some woman was screaming over the music; "Wooo!" "aaaaaah!", over the hideous and repetitive beat, I was being shoved around and people were shouting at me and all sorts. After about 15 mins, I got tired, and bored. The woman was still screaming, but I took a moment and realised it wasn't coming from the speakers. I looked down and there was this woman crying.

I shouted over the speakers "yeah, I know, I've come here to see if clubbing has changed too, it's boring, and loud but it's not that bad"

She looked up and through teary eyes she said to me

"It's not that *sniff* you've been jumping on my feet for the last 10 minutes"


Thanks for reading,

Bumps in the night

Hi All,

God is it hot! Even if you don't move you end up sweating like an MP in the middle of an expenses scandal. Night times are the worst. I have had to take to sleeping stark bollock naked.
Too much information? Maybe, but you will need that vital information, so remember it well.

So there I am, tucked up in bed with a fan on desperately trying to sleep, and all is quiet. Until I hear a strange noise.
So I lie there, trying to think of what could possibly make the noise, and then it happens again.

Now I'm not paranoid, but I wasn't going to sleep, it was 3am I was hot and slightly pissed off so I thought I'd go and check it out. It was late, but that's no excuse for what I did.

I have in my possession a rather crappy air pistol, and for some reason I really wasn't thinking. I put my glasses on so I could see better in the complete darkness that pervades my house grabbed my pistol and carefully went out onto the landing.

I don't know how you are supposed to do this. Creeping around your own house holding a pistol. I mean, I've played FPS's and even watched some James Bond films, so I know roughly what you are supposed to do, so I start covering corners and doing judo rolls across the landing.

No-one there. I stand there on the landing for a second listening. Nothing. I hear some scratching.

Ok, so there is something downstairs scratching around. Time to look around.

I creep slowly down the stairs, and I can see a light flashing through the glazed doors to my lounge. I creep some more, until I get to the bottom of the stairs.

So there I am, breathing quietly, trying to be just another shadow in the hallway. Timing my moment. Ready to take on anything that is in the lounge. My lounge.

I take the safety off my pistol, and I'm ready.

I wait...

Then...

I burst through the door, looking for the light source that was shining through my lounge doors. I find it and fire. Once, twice 3 times, aiming slightly lower so I don't accidentally kill my target.

That's when I realise that I had changed the alert on my msn. That's when I realise where the flashing and the light is coming from. That's when I realise I had just put 3 metal ball bearings into my coffee cup. Smashing it completely.

And now I feel stupid, and I just stand there, stunned.

My partner comes down the stairs and asks what I am doing standing, stark naked, in the lounge at 3 o' clock in the morning, doing terrible James Bond impressions, shooting coffee cups?

I didn't have the heart to tell her. I told her I was just filled with hate and needed to take it out on something.

She asked, why the coffee cup?

I said, I hate the cup.

She went to bed then shaking her head in a "We'll have to put him in a home sooner than we think" kind of way.

And the scratching noise?

That was the hamster.

Thanks for reading,

Too bored being bored?

Hi all,

How insane is this for a situation? I can be sat down on a comfy sofa, without the TV on, without a book or music, or a computer, or any form of "entertainment" whatsoever and not be...bored.

I will sit there, just being...well just being. And it's great. One of life's little luxuries.
But if someone gives me a mind-numbing task I have this absolute overwhelming feeling of boredom. This is odd. I have been given something to do and I am bored, even though I have less boring times sitting doing absolutely nothing but breathing.

I am not sure if this is just me or not. Maybe the problem is that the task itself is seemingly endless. It is not a case of boredom as such but just that it is a lack of motivation. Maybe I cannot be motivated to reach the end of this seemingly endless task, and I am therefore bored with it. When I am sat, just existing, in the nice "Trev-shaped" dent in my sofa I know that it won't be for long so I just make the most of it.

So my solution to this is to do my "boring" tasks in bite size lumps in between "day-dreams". Unfortunately my job doesn't allow this, so I have come up with an interesting way to accomplish both. I day-dream all the time, while I do my task, and I am very happy with the situation. Although occasionally it is unnerving seeing valkyries riding dragons across my monitor, while I am trying to enter SAN information from a site...again.

Please feel free to try my solution yourself at work, or home or where-ever. Anywhere you do a boring job, try to day dream while you do it, you'll find the day passes quicker.

Please don't do this when you are driving. An excuse of "Sorry officer, I didn't see the old bloke walking across the road because a giant hamster was barbecuing a chicken that looked like David Beckham was blocking my view" will probably not work.

Thanks for reading!