ERROR: PLEASE INSERT CORRECT MEDIA

Hi All,

Have you seen the obesity figures recently? You'll have to move your arse out of the chair to see them apparently because over 40% of people are nearly fat to the point of death. I don't mean that your fingers are so fat you can't actually dial 999, I mean that you are that fat that your heart will implode with the power of a 4 megaton cheese burger.

But it's not your fault.

I know who's fault it is. The fucking media. Again.

Because we are British we love our TV shows, and we aspire to do the things shown to us on the box. Primarily because we believe everyone else is doing the same, and there is that pressure to keep up with the Jones'.

In the 90's the media were behind the fad of Do It Yourself. Who could forget shows like....errrm, DIY SOS, Changing rooms, 60 minute makeover, and Pimp my Lounge (OK I made that last one up). All of a sudden shares in B&Q and Homebase rocketed. Everyone was doing DIY. Look at how successful handymen were, repairing all the walls, doors, floors, kitchens that we had destroyed. All because we wanted to keep up with each other.

So, guess what the TV schedules are full of nowadays?

TV Chefs and foody people all showing us how to cook, what to eat, what not to eat, what we should try, what we need to eat before we die. Thing is there are so many food shows we, as a nation, are doing the equivalent of eating our fucking house.

Listen, media. Start a fad of exercise regimes and healthy living or something. In fact, what we British need right now, is a healthy balanced media.

Thanks for reading,

Biscuit? Yeah, why not?

Hi all,

I am not fat. I am one of these annoying gits who can eat just about any amount of anything greasy and stay thin. My partner says this is particularly annoying, as she has to "watch what she eats"

What she doesn't know is that I also have to watch what I eat...and to be honest, seeing the eighth big mac enter my body is not necessarily a pleasant thing to see.
And this brings me neatly on to biscuits...

I am to biscuit barrels, as Harold Shipman was to old peoples homes. I eat a *large* amount of biscuits. It's not their fault that I enjoy their sugary goodness. I have often found myself munching my way through 2 packets of bourbons, or their albino cousin the custard cream.
I do not mourn for them, that would be silly. But I am trying to rid the world of biscuits, as a one man army. I am attempting biscuit-icide on my own.

If any of you have been down to a supermarket and there are no biscuits, you know who to blame. I once went off them for a week and ASDA had to drop their profit declaration to their share holders.

I'm off now to Tesco's where they pride themselves on their biscuit selection boxes.

Thanks for reading!