This is me!

Hi All,

Hearing that your balls are abnormal isn't the best thing to hear.

I mean, everybody at some point looks at their junk and thinks to themselves

"Is this it? Is this what other people have"

Sometimes your mates might take the piss out of you, but to have a medical professional tell you you're abnormal is something else.

Not only that, but he has a machine to help him prove just how abnormal you are. It. Has. Error. Bars.

I've read these magazines saying you should "Be happy with the way you are." and "Ignore the comments other people make" and "Just be happy with yourself".

I was tempted to burst out into song..."This is me" from The Greatest Showman or something.

I needed validation. I needed other opinions on my meat and 2 veg. Unfortunately for me the only people at the hospital were either pregnant women, who wouldn't want to know,

post-natal women, who really didn't want to know, a nurse, who would be bias and my wife who, after many years of speculation, now had proof.

Short of dashing through Romsey with my bits out there was nothing to be done. So I did the only thing I could do.

Stood there cupping my balls in my hand, looking down at them like the last available veg in Morrisons on a Sunday Evening.

The Doctor asked me if I had any questions.

Well, yes.

How bad is it?

Will I still be able to have sex (or whatever)?

Would there be more people in later on that I can get a second opinion about my nads from?

I didn't ask any of those. I went home instead, fighting the urge to google image search "normal testicles" or if I could buy my own UltraSound, with or without error bars, from Gumtree...

Thanks for reading

Monitors provide tan

Hi all,

Here is a news bulletin for you, from the BBC:

'Computer tan' website scores hit

Ok so here's the story, 1 million people have been online to a website and downloaded software that they believed would give them a 5 minute tan.

Now I'm not sure what is worse here to be honest. The fact the website is, in effect, mis-advertising their product. Or that 1 million people believed that their PC monitor could give them a tan. I wouldn't mind but these are probably the same million people that bitched about fucking mobile phone towers irradiating their faces.

How stupid are these people? I always used to go by the phrase;

"Half the people you meet are below average intelligence"

But now I'm going to go with;

"Half the people are average meat, and have no intelligence."

Not worth talking to, not even worth eating, they'd probably be really stringy and horrible.

Did they really think that their monitors would get past ECC, BSI and other health and safety Euro-rulings if with a simple piece of software they could emit UV intense enough it'd burn you?

Were these people so ridiculously retarded as to believe that all hardware supported this functionality and no-one had noticed before?

Unfortunately though, I bet these wankers are clever enough to create a law-suit asking why this isn't possible when the website clearly said it could be done.

Stupid bastards. Mind you, maybe they have an excuse. After all, judging by the area this story is based in, inbreeding does have an effect in some ways.

LINK: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/nottinghamshire/7969758.stm

Thanks for reading.