Hi all,
It's getting dark and cold out there now isn't it?
I mean, it's November, the temperature is dropping and we've put the clock back an hour so Scottish farmers can have a lie in. This has always confused me to be honest. The number of farmers is Scotland cannot be that great in comparison to people who work in call centre's in Hull. Why can't Scottish farmers try this:
Get up an hour later! Stop making life a sodding pain every bloody winter!
Anyway, back to the plot.
Because you are indoors a lot more than in the summer months your eyes are drawn to all those little niggly things that get you down about your house. All those bits you had promised your partner you would do about 6 months ago. You know the kind of thing, putting up shelves, changing the cupboard doors, putting the handles on things, washing up, that kind of thing, and in a moment of madness you think to yourself
"Yes, I have become DIY man. I will now achieve in 1 day what it has taken me 6 months to avoid"
A dangerous thought at the best of times.
Now I was sitting in my lounge, because if I sat in the garden I would be cold, and I remembered that my partner had asked for a TV in our bedroom (apparently Most Haunted is more entertaining than me in that respect, I disagree and ask her to put the heating on) so I thought about it for a moment or two and decided the time had come. Armed with nothing but a badly thought out, malformed plan in my mind I headed straight for B&Q.
B&Q is the emporium of badly thought out plans. If you go in there, any day or time of the week during winter, you will see the sight of 100 men, with dreams in their eyes. They walk around with bags of screws, bits of MDF and fibreboard and they all look purposeful. They have a purpose, a plan, and they know exactly how they are going to do it.
I, along with them, carried my timber and MDF and nails knowing exactly how my TV stand for the bedroom was going to go together. It would have made the chippendale brothers weep at the beauty of my construction. The flowing lines, the carefully guilded edging, the way the drawer would open with the slightest whisper, and the contents organised by size and usefulness. The Tv itself would rest on an inlaid circular piece of wood, with grooves cut into it, and bearings, so the TV could be rotated without any physical effort. That was my plan, and you could see it in my eyes along with every other man who had entered the store.
So I got myself back home, and described my plan to my partner with emotion and vigour and how it would be awesomeness personified in wood. She, however, was incredulous.
After 3 hours I had made something that would be accepted by Tate modern as a piece of art, and enough injuries to make a Chippendale weep. I threw it in the garden with the rest of the failed projects, the pizza box fountain, the paper mache newspaper rack and the dreaded kitchen knife dispensor.
My partner was horrified. How could I have done such a thing? So we headed to Ikea, and it was there I had my revelation.
Women, you see, have grandeous ideas. They are just as good as ours, but they do something we don't. They look it up in a fucking catalogue. Us men, we have grandeous ideas too, but in our minds, is not this office dwelling muscleless clueless idiot, but a God of Furniture. A veritable superhero of dovetailing.
What I noticed as we walked around Ikea, was the sad mens faces all lined with the same thought...
I could have made that.
Thanks for reading,
Monday, 9 November 2009
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Those who can, do...
Hi All!
It turns out that chemistry teachers are having to show videos of experiments to students instead of letting them actually do it.
I'm not talking about explosions and stuff but really basic chemistry like putting lithium in water. This is because although all the risk assessments have been done and given to them, teachers do not have the confidence to either perform the experiments themselves, or allow the students to do it.
To this end they even have a sodding helpline for the teachers to ring, probably crying, saying how they just don't understand the experiments and cannot teach the class. Even though, and this is the shocking thing, they have just spent the last 4 years in teacher training camp and the previous 8 years of study to be able to teach.
What is more shocking is that these incompetents are actually allowed to represent the science that they are claiming to be confident enough to be able to teach. I'm sorry, but do fuck off. If I wanted that, I'd bloody teach my kids myself.
It is no wonder to me that kids in this country are not interested in science. If you see a teacher, as a kid, looking nervous and umming and ahhing, and they are supposed to be your mentor, and they are supposed to be teaching you, you would quite honestly say:
"Blow this for a laugh, even my teachers can't do it, and most science is watching some expert from the 60's having all the bloody fun."
I had a great time in science, I had an awesome teacher. He knew what he was doing, he blew shit up, and then taught us how to blow shit up. Then we did the real work. And I tell you something, you show kids the magic, and they will all want to know how you did it. You show kids a video...they kick each other under the desks. I want to see a return of experiments to the classroom, health and safety to sod off, and the return of the apprentice system. Those who can, do. Those who can't, can't possibly teach it.
Thanks for reading
It turns out that chemistry teachers are having to show videos of experiments to students instead of letting them actually do it.
I'm not talking about explosions and stuff but really basic chemistry like putting lithium in water. This is because although all the risk assessments have been done and given to them, teachers do not have the confidence to either perform the experiments themselves, or allow the students to do it.
To this end they even have a sodding helpline for the teachers to ring, probably crying, saying how they just don't understand the experiments and cannot teach the class. Even though, and this is the shocking thing, they have just spent the last 4 years in teacher training camp and the previous 8 years of study to be able to teach.
What is more shocking is that these incompetents are actually allowed to represent the science that they are claiming to be confident enough to be able to teach. I'm sorry, but do fuck off. If I wanted that, I'd bloody teach my kids myself.
It is no wonder to me that kids in this country are not interested in science. If you see a teacher, as a kid, looking nervous and umming and ahhing, and they are supposed to be your mentor, and they are supposed to be teaching you, you would quite honestly say:
"Blow this for a laugh, even my teachers can't do it, and most science is watching some expert from the 60's having all the bloody fun."
I had a great time in science, I had an awesome teacher. He knew what he was doing, he blew shit up, and then taught us how to blow shit up. Then we did the real work. And I tell you something, you show kids the magic, and they will all want to know how you did it. You show kids a video...they kick each other under the desks. I want to see a return of experiments to the classroom, health and safety to sod off, and the return of the apprentice system. Those who can, do. Those who can't, can't possibly teach it.
Thanks for reading
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Kids Stories, so how hard can it be?
Hi All,
I was sat reading some crappy kids stories the other night, when I thought..how difficult can it be to write a story for a 6-9 year old? So, here it is.
There was once a fairy princess.
Her name was Emily.
Well, she wanted to be called Emily, but her real name was Jessica
She had 3 legs, and one arm, which stuck vertically out of her head.
This made it very awkward to get her crown on in the mornings.
One day, she left the Castle in search of the Great Chicken, who had the power of seeing rhubarb at a great distance.
She knew he lived in the forest of Niggy Niggy Noo. Just past the old tree stump. On the A303.
She entered the dark, dank forest. She came out of the forest and went back in again, it was still dark and dank. It was an enchanted forest, that had the ability to induce amnesia in people. The local townsfolk who entered the forest often forgot where they parked.
She crept through the undergrowth. Her dress caught on twigs and brambles and badgers.
After a while she reached the old tree stump. There was a mushroom on it. Suddenly, the mushroom jumped up. It was a magic mushroom. And it said:
"OI! what is a fairy princess doing out here, in a forest, just off the A303?"
"I am a fairy princess," said the fairy princess
The mushroom stared at her. "Really?" it said.
"Yes and I am seeking the Great Chicken, who has the power to see rhubarb at a great distance. Now stop looking at me fungi"
"Blimey," said the magic mushroom, "Well he's over there, but he's asleep"
"Cheers mate" said the fairy princess and off she went. Dragging several bushes and a confused badger behind her.
She saw the Great Chicken. He was lying down, snoring.
"Yoohoo!" Said the fairy princess.
The Chicken didn't move.
"YOOHOO!!!" shouted the fairy princess.
The Chicken didn't move
"YO! DICKHEAD!"
The chicken jumped up
"Help me wok a noodle!" he screamed.
"terribly sorry old chap" said the fairy princess "But I need to find some rhubarb for tea."
"I'm afraid you've got the wrong chicken" said the Chicken, "the one you want is over there, I can't do anything right. I always get everything wrong."
"Fantastic" the fairy princess said. "I've walked all this way and I've found the wrong chicken, and he keeps putting himself down"
So she took the axe from her pocket and chopped his head off.
then she stuck him in the oven for an hour and a bit on gas mark 6. It turned out he was self depricating.
She tore the mushroom from the tree stump. Removed the great chicken out of the oven and ate him with the mushroom, as there was no cutlery available.
She went home to the castle. Smelling of chicken grease and badgers.
If you sniff carefully in a forest, around lunchtime, you can still smell the faint whiff of worried badgers. Often you will also find people who have forgotten where they have parked.
The End.
Thanks for reading
I was sat reading some crappy kids stories the other night, when I thought..how difficult can it be to write a story for a 6-9 year old? So, here it is.
There was once a fairy princess.
Her name was Emily.
Well, she wanted to be called Emily, but her real name was Jessica
She had 3 legs, and one arm, which stuck vertically out of her head.
This made it very awkward to get her crown on in the mornings.
One day, she left the Castle in search of the Great Chicken, who had the power of seeing rhubarb at a great distance.
She knew he lived in the forest of Niggy Niggy Noo. Just past the old tree stump. On the A303.
She entered the dark, dank forest. She came out of the forest and went back in again, it was still dark and dank. It was an enchanted forest, that had the ability to induce amnesia in people. The local townsfolk who entered the forest often forgot where they parked.
She crept through the undergrowth. Her dress caught on twigs and brambles and badgers.
After a while she reached the old tree stump. There was a mushroom on it. Suddenly, the mushroom jumped up. It was a magic mushroom. And it said:
"OI! what is a fairy princess doing out here, in a forest, just off the A303?"
"I am a fairy princess," said the fairy princess
The mushroom stared at her. "Really?" it said.
"Yes and I am seeking the Great Chicken, who has the power to see rhubarb at a great distance. Now stop looking at me fungi"
"Blimey," said the magic mushroom, "Well he's over there, but he's asleep"
"Cheers mate" said the fairy princess and off she went. Dragging several bushes and a confused badger behind her.
She saw the Great Chicken. He was lying down, snoring.
"Yoohoo!" Said the fairy princess.
The Chicken didn't move.
"YOOHOO!!!" shouted the fairy princess.
The Chicken didn't move
"YO! DICKHEAD!"
The chicken jumped up
"Help me wok a noodle!" he screamed.
"terribly sorry old chap" said the fairy princess "But I need to find some rhubarb for tea."
"I'm afraid you've got the wrong chicken" said the Chicken, "the one you want is over there, I can't do anything right. I always get everything wrong."
"Fantastic" the fairy princess said. "I've walked all this way and I've found the wrong chicken, and he keeps putting himself down"
So she took the axe from her pocket and chopped his head off.
then she stuck him in the oven for an hour and a bit on gas mark 6. It turned out he was self depricating.
She tore the mushroom from the tree stump. Removed the great chicken out of the oven and ate him with the mushroom, as there was no cutlery available.
She went home to the castle. Smelling of chicken grease and badgers.
If you sniff carefully in a forest, around lunchtime, you can still smell the faint whiff of worried badgers. Often you will also find people who have forgotten where they have parked.
The End.
Thanks for reading
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
My Blog: One year on
Hi All!
My blog is one year old!
So to celebrate and to mock in some fashion all those other blog type, video, tv efforts, I have decided to do some recaps, quotes and outtakes from the last 12 months.
Hope you enjoy them as much as I did writing them.
"...as the human body is 80% water, I can be anywhere between 4'3 and 6'2 depending on where the moon is."
"Now thats the body that I want! I want to look like that, and I'll do the dvd every day for a decade to get it if i have to, if i have to cycle to the moon and back I'll do it" Now I've been doing this
dvd now for fucking months, and i still havent got Davinas tits.
"I wear glasses and I've got a stupid goatee\beard thing going on. I am the geeks geek."
"Luckily we have something in our arsenal that Mexicans do not....Yakult"
"Muslim women don't have to wear that black royal mail letterbox outfit, it's just that they are also highly trained Ninjas"
"I am to biscuit barrels, as Harold Shipman was to old peoples homes."
"T = (Q + A) / B"
"Half the people are average meat, and have no intelligence."
"A guy was released in Hampshire after being wrongfully imprisoned for 27 years...the first show he saw on telly when he came out? You've been Framed"
"Quick tip for you, open your front door, go outside, turn around. See that? See that building? That's your fucking house. It's been there all along."
To them I say..."YOU TRY IT WITH 14 LEGS, SEE HOW FAR YOU GET!! YOU'D GET TRAPPED IN THE BACK TOO!"
"He-man....What a complete and utter Gaylord"
"There was a guy who ended up sleeping on the streets and he spent most of his life searching for his real father. He was a poor bastard"
"ok Trev, this is a TV job, so have you got any experience appearing on camera"
"you are kidding right? This is London you prick, I've been on camera 300 times just getting here"
"god doesn't exist sweetheart."
"yes he does, he's slightly shorter than you and wears a dress."
"If you drink tizer, your urine will look like this..."
"A satelite Navigation system...for trains!" - Actually additional to this...what if the train-driver goes on holiday, on a canal boat?
"I know! We'll cut them into squares! Shit it's been done"
"I spend the whole of november training squirrels for this very reason"
"Why not have a Large Monkey Collider (or LMC)? It's not the colliding bit I'm interested in really, but I am interested in the noise they'll make as they go round."
"...so I thought if I'm gonna break my resolution, I'm gonna do this properly I've held it for 2 years. There is no way I'll break it over something trivial, but now is the time. Look at her eyes Trev, you know that this is the time
so I looked deep into her eyes, and saw the love in them, and I took a deep breath and said "I resolve, from now until the end of time, to the end of my life, to the end of the universe, to stop drying my socks in the microwave"
"All things fall over if you hit them hard enough. Apart from Weebles."
Thank you to you all for reading over the past year, or if you've just started reading them, cool, but where the fuck have you been?
Trev
My blog is one year old!
So to celebrate and to mock in some fashion all those other blog type, video, tv efforts, I have decided to do some recaps, quotes and outtakes from the last 12 months.
Hope you enjoy them as much as I did writing them.
"...as the human body is 80% water, I can be anywhere between 4'3 and 6'2 depending on where the moon is."
"Now thats the body that I want! I want to look like that, and I'll do the dvd every day for a decade to get it if i have to, if i have to cycle to the moon and back I'll do it" Now I've been doing this
dvd now for fucking months, and i still havent got Davinas tits.
"I wear glasses and I've got a stupid goatee\beard thing going on. I am the geeks geek."
"Luckily we have something in our arsenal that Mexicans do not....Yakult"
"Muslim women don't have to wear that black royal mail letterbox outfit, it's just that they are also highly trained Ninjas"
"I am to biscuit barrels, as Harold Shipman was to old peoples homes."
"T = (Q + A) / B"
"Half the people are average meat, and have no intelligence."
"A guy was released in Hampshire after being wrongfully imprisoned for 27 years...the first show he saw on telly when he came out? You've been Framed"
"Quick tip for you, open your front door, go outside, turn around. See that? See that building? That's your fucking house. It's been there all along."
To them I say..."YOU TRY IT WITH 14 LEGS, SEE HOW FAR YOU GET!! YOU'D GET TRAPPED IN THE BACK TOO!"
"He-man....What a complete and utter Gaylord"
"There was a guy who ended up sleeping on the streets and he spent most of his life searching for his real father. He was a poor bastard"
"ok Trev, this is a TV job, so have you got any experience appearing on camera"
"you are kidding right? This is London you prick, I've been on camera 300 times just getting here"
"god doesn't exist sweetheart."
"yes he does, he's slightly shorter than you and wears a dress."
"If you drink tizer, your urine will look like this..."
"A satelite Navigation system...for trains!" - Actually additional to this...what if the train-driver goes on holiday, on a canal boat?
"I know! We'll cut them into squares! Shit it's been done"
"I spend the whole of november training squirrels for this very reason"
"Why not have a Large Monkey Collider (or LMC)? It's not the colliding bit I'm interested in really, but I am interested in the noise they'll make as they go round."
"...so I thought if I'm gonna break my resolution, I'm gonna do this properly I've held it for 2 years. There is no way I'll break it over something trivial, but now is the time. Look at her eyes Trev, you know that this is the time
so I looked deep into her eyes, and saw the love in them, and I took a deep breath and said "I resolve, from now until the end of time, to the end of my life, to the end of the universe, to stop drying my socks in the microwave"
"All things fall over if you hit them hard enough. Apart from Weebles."
Thank you to you all for reading over the past year, or if you've just started reading them, cool, but where the fuck have you been?
Trev
Saturday, 29 August 2009
The TV tax. What does it do for me?
Hi all,
There is absolutely nothing on telly. Well, nothing worth watching anyway, and as I am a resident of the UK I pay the BBC tax, the Television License.
I subscribe to Sky too, so I get approximately 5 billion channels. All of these broadcast total shite. Or if it's not total shite, it's the total shite that was offered to you in the previous hour.
What I will be doing though is going to one of these "+1" channels when the clocks go back. Just to see if it creates a hole in the space time continuum.
But anyway, scanning through the seemingly endless screens offering the equivalent of piercing my eyeballs with a spanner for an hour I discovered "Street Doctors". This is a tad scary.
Basically the BBC has paid for some real GP's to go out stalking and hunting for ill people on the streets of our towns. Once they have pounced on them they promise to fix them up, and send them to hospital or whatever they need.
Street doctors. You can tell by the sign.
What a stupid idea. I'll tell you why.
"HEY! YOU! STOP A SECOND! HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT? WE CAN DO IT ON NATIONAL TV!!"
"I...I....I...Suffer...fer...fr...fr...anxiety....at...at....attt....acks....attacks"
"YOU POOR GUY! STEP THIS WAY, AND WE'LL SORT YOU OUT! oh, you've collapsed. Ah well"
I would like to raise the issue about me paying National insurance for the NHS to pay for GP's, and paying the TV tax to the BBC so they can pay for some GP's, but I can't be fagged.
No matter.
What seems a little odd that GP's themselves thought it might be a good idea to jump out on unsuspecting people who may have unknown medical conditions. What if they are deaf for crying out loud? Having some dude in a doctors outfit jump in front of you mouthing that you're sick and there are camera and sound men surrounding you. My reaction would be to run screaming.
I personally think that the producers of this show are so stupid that they will do a one off called "Street Doctors: Agoraphobia Special"
However. This might not actually be a bad idea in essence. Why can't we have a service where we get a couple of GP's in a van that parks up in the city centre for half a day to pounce on people? Or maybe even get the local businesses to get a GP in for a day. The NHS could pay for the GP, the business provide a room.
This would solve the whole day off work for an hour to visit the doctor. It would solve the whole "haven't got time" thing. You don't need to worry about drugs on site or whatnot, because GP's don't carry any.
It would probably reduce the amount of out of hours appointments GP's have to do, and reduce waiting time.
Maybe we need these shit TV programs to test some really crap ideas, before we actually try them for real. Now that is worth paying the BBC tax for.
Thanks for reading,
There is absolutely nothing on telly. Well, nothing worth watching anyway, and as I am a resident of the UK I pay the BBC tax, the Television License.
I subscribe to Sky too, so I get approximately 5 billion channels. All of these broadcast total shite. Or if it's not total shite, it's the total shite that was offered to you in the previous hour.
What I will be doing though is going to one of these "+1" channels when the clocks go back. Just to see if it creates a hole in the space time continuum.
But anyway, scanning through the seemingly endless screens offering the equivalent of piercing my eyeballs with a spanner for an hour I discovered "Street Doctors". This is a tad scary.
Basically the BBC has paid for some real GP's to go out stalking and hunting for ill people on the streets of our towns. Once they have pounced on them they promise to fix them up, and send them to hospital or whatever they need.
Street doctors. You can tell by the sign.What a stupid idea. I'll tell you why.
"HEY! YOU! STOP A SECOND! HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT? WE CAN DO IT ON NATIONAL TV!!"
"I...I....I...Suffer...fer...fr...fr...anxiety....at...at....attt....acks....attacks"
"YOU POOR GUY! STEP THIS WAY, AND WE'LL SORT YOU OUT! oh, you've collapsed. Ah well"
I would like to raise the issue about me paying National insurance for the NHS to pay for GP's, and paying the TV tax to the BBC so they can pay for some GP's, but I can't be fagged.
No matter.
What seems a little odd that GP's themselves thought it might be a good idea to jump out on unsuspecting people who may have unknown medical conditions. What if they are deaf for crying out loud? Having some dude in a doctors outfit jump in front of you mouthing that you're sick and there are camera and sound men surrounding you. My reaction would be to run screaming.
I personally think that the producers of this show are so stupid that they will do a one off called "Street Doctors: Agoraphobia Special"
However. This might not actually be a bad idea in essence. Why can't we have a service where we get a couple of GP's in a van that parks up in the city centre for half a day to pounce on people? Or maybe even get the local businesses to get a GP in for a day. The NHS could pay for the GP, the business provide a room.
This would solve the whole day off work for an hour to visit the doctor. It would solve the whole "haven't got time" thing. You don't need to worry about drugs on site or whatnot, because GP's don't carry any.
It would probably reduce the amount of out of hours appointments GP's have to do, and reduce waiting time.
Maybe we need these shit TV programs to test some really crap ideas, before we actually try them for real. Now that is worth paying the BBC tax for.
Thanks for reading,
Sunday, 23 August 2009
IT and Dating....Possibly not a good partnership
Hi All,
Dating is a scam. Honestly.
I have been incredibly lucky. I have a partner, 1.5 wonderful kids and 0.5 fucking noisy little bastards.
It didn't really take that long for me to find my ideal partner, who made me laugh and all that other emotionally fulfilling shit. But this isn't why I'm lucky.
It didn't take me that long to conceive, 3 times, unlike these other unlucky people out there. But that's not why I'm lucky.
I didn't have to go to Africa and import one, or buy one off ebay. Or smuggle one in from Sumatra. But that's not why I'm lucky.
I've got a house, that wasn't that hard to get, and it's just big enough for me and my family. But this isn't why I'm lucky.
I've got 2 cars, full of petrol, that tend not to try and kill me every time I start them.
I have everything I feel I need to live my life to the full, and nothing is a struggle. But no, that's not it either.
The reason why I am lucky to have all of the above?
My name is Trevor, and I work in I.T. That is why.
Can you imagine what my success rate on that lovematch.com or whatever the sodding site is called? I couldn't even supply a good picture.
I wear glasses and I've got a stupid goatee\beard thing going on. I am the geeks geek. If it's two things that women hate it's train spotters and IT geeks.
Imagine if I had a blind date though. Introductions.
"Hi I'm Kate"
"Hi I'm Trevor"
"What do you do?"
"I work in IT"
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
I would rather say that I was in charge of shaving the ball sacks of Gay actors. But even that sounds exciting in comparison doesn't it?
Maybe this is the wrong way of going about it? Can I make IT sound exciting? No.
"I've got this virtual host in a datacentre and one of the disks in the RAID 5 array went nuts, I nearly lost 1.5 TB of data and 9 virtual machines"
"....yawn, sorry...what happened?"
"well luckily for me, haha, I managed to order another Hard Drive and everything was ok."
See?
So I've explained this dating thing to my partner, she said I had better stay with her then. So I will.
Thanks for reading
Dating is a scam. Honestly.
I have been incredibly lucky. I have a partner, 1.5 wonderful kids and 0.5 fucking noisy little bastards.
It didn't really take that long for me to find my ideal partner, who made me laugh and all that other emotionally fulfilling shit. But this isn't why I'm lucky.
It didn't take me that long to conceive, 3 times, unlike these other unlucky people out there. But that's not why I'm lucky.
I didn't have to go to Africa and import one, or buy one off ebay. Or smuggle one in from Sumatra. But that's not why I'm lucky.
I've got a house, that wasn't that hard to get, and it's just big enough for me and my family. But this isn't why I'm lucky.
I've got 2 cars, full of petrol, that tend not to try and kill me every time I start them.
I have everything I feel I need to live my life to the full, and nothing is a struggle. But no, that's not it either.
The reason why I am lucky to have all of the above?
My name is Trevor, and I work in I.T. That is why.
Can you imagine what my success rate on that lovematch.com or whatever the sodding site is called? I couldn't even supply a good picture.
I wear glasses and I've got a stupid goatee\beard thing going on. I am the geeks geek. If it's two things that women hate it's train spotters and IT geeks.
Imagine if I had a blind date though. Introductions.
"Hi I'm Kate"
"Hi I'm Trevor"
"What do you do?"
"I work in IT"
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
I would rather say that I was in charge of shaving the ball sacks of Gay actors. But even that sounds exciting in comparison doesn't it?
Maybe this is the wrong way of going about it? Can I make IT sound exciting? No.
"I've got this virtual host in a datacentre and one of the disks in the RAID 5 array went nuts, I nearly lost 1.5 TB of data and 9 virtual machines"
"....yawn, sorry...what happened?"
"well luckily for me, haha, I managed to order another Hard Drive and everything was ok."
See?
So I've explained this dating thing to my partner, she said I had better stay with her then. So I will.
Thanks for reading
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
The Banana Effect
Hi all,
How much do you value a banana?
Actually stop and think about it.
Ok, so lets hear your answer....
Nope you're wrong.
Try £20,000.
Yes that's right £20,000. The Crown Persecution..sorry Prosecution Service took a man to court for stealing a single solitary Banana, and then failed to convict him.
The total cost of the trial to the tax payer was £20,000. The actual Banana? The actual physical Banana, still in mint condition, with original packaging, and manufacturers label is.....
25p
I'll work this out for you. There were 26 million taxpayers last year (real numbers on this blog, I got them from Yahoo! answers and everything). Not including self employed dudes. So lets share the 20,000 out between us. So now we have the cost to each one of us.
I'm going to shrink the number down a bit. 7.69230 E-4.
For those of you who don't do maths: that is 0.000769230 quid.
Ok now, I pay tax over a year. And all this Crown Court, CPS, bullshit is worked out over a tax year too. So lets divide that by 365.
so now we are at 0.00000210748 quid. As you can see this number is small. Incredibly small. In fact it is about 2 ten thousandths of a penny.
So now lets work out how many days it would take me, on my own, to pay for a banana. Just using my tax money that has been allocated by the government to take this guy to court...
0.25/0.00000210748 is....you know what? If he wanted a fucking banana that badly I'd have fucking bought him one.
Thanks for reading,
(it's about 351 years by the way, so it would take 351 of us 1 year, and 124956 of us one day. Talk about the butterfly effect huh?)
Source: http://tinyurl.com/ok6mk7
Yes I know it's bloody Sky News as well, gits
How much do you value a banana?
Actually stop and think about it.
Ok, so lets hear your answer....
Nope you're wrong.
Try £20,000.
Yes that's right £20,000. The Crown Persecution..sorry Prosecution Service took a man to court for stealing a single solitary Banana, and then failed to convict him.
The total cost of the trial to the tax payer was £20,000. The actual Banana? The actual physical Banana, still in mint condition, with original packaging, and manufacturers label is.....
25p
I'll work this out for you. There were 26 million taxpayers last year (real numbers on this blog, I got them from Yahoo! answers and everything). Not including self employed dudes. So lets share the 20,000 out between us. So now we have the cost to each one of us.
I'm going to shrink the number down a bit. 7.69230 E-4.
For those of you who don't do maths: that is 0.000769230 quid.
Ok now, I pay tax over a year. And all this Crown Court, CPS, bullshit is worked out over a tax year too. So lets divide that by 365.
so now we are at 0.00000210748 quid. As you can see this number is small. Incredibly small. In fact it is about 2 ten thousandths of a penny.
So now lets work out how many days it would take me, on my own, to pay for a banana. Just using my tax money that has been allocated by the government to take this guy to court...
0.25/0.00000210748 is....you know what? If he wanted a fucking banana that badly I'd have fucking bought him one.
Thanks for reading,
(it's about 351 years by the way, so it would take 351 of us 1 year, and 124956 of us one day. Talk about the butterfly effect huh?)
Source: http://tinyurl.com/ok6mk7
Yes I know it's bloody Sky News as well, gits
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)